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Newkirk
Inspector Newkirk was a private investigator employed by himself to solve any crimes that may come up. It is unclear if somebody pays him to do this or if he just does it of his own free will. Newkirk attempted to solve a string of murders committed by a masked person and ended up falsely accusing his friend Chandler of the deed. Newkirk possesses an extremely high IQ but continually draws incorrect, and often downright foolish conclusions from almost non-existent evidence. Chandler speculated that Newkirk is so intelligent that normal people simply can't keep up. Newkirk affirmed that theory. Early Career Newkirk began his career in college when he decided that he was going to become a private investigator. He promptly changed his major to one that he thought would help him further this goal. He persuaded his childhood friend Chandler to be "His Doctor Watson." The First Murder Newkirk got a chance to test his mettle in his first real murder case when a masked murderer slew an innocent victim in a church yard. Newkirk was told of the murder by McKellen and Veronica who saw him on TV. Upon learning that there had been a murder, Newkirk expressed noticeable glee at the prospect of investigating it. Newkirk discovered the murderer's fallen mask and incorrectly deduced that the victim was the one wearing it. Newkirk investigated the victim's pockets and found a receipt from a restaurant called The Warren Country Inn. Newkirk deduced, once again incorrectly, that this was the last place the victim went before he was murdered, and directed his newfound crew to head for the restaurant immediately. The squad piled into Newkirk's Fiat and drove to the restaurant. Newkirk Meets The Murderer After a day had gone by with Newkirk showing no signs of solving the case, McKellen and Veronica question Newkirk's abilities, inciting Chandler to anger. Newkirk insists that he knows everything he needs to know and orders them to shut up. By pure chance, Newkirk sees the murderer, wearing a mask nearly identical to the one that he had found at the crime scene, at the restaurant sitting at a table. Newkirk went over to the murderer's table and had an amicable chat with him and gave him a friendly warning about the danger of this murderer. Newkirk warned him that the murderer was deliberately targeting masked people and asked if he knows of anyone who would be prejudiced against masked people. The murderer told Newkirk to go into the woods at night, taking no weapons, to meet the masked people. Newkirk acted as if he understood but in fact later revealed to Chandler, McKellen and Veronica, that he thought the murderer was an idiot, and appeared to have no intention of following his advice. Searching For The Masked People Newkirk returned home and continued to think on the case. It proved to be "quite stumping" to him and he was getting nowhere in his attempts to solve it. After successfully breaching the child-lock Newkirk had placed on the door specifically to keep him out, Chandler entered Newkirk's office smoking a cigarette. Newkirk irritably ordered him to put it out, causing Chandler to toss the smoking thing into the trash, starting a trash fire. Newkirk put out the fire and concluded that it was an assassination attempt. He resumed his elaborate thought process and was given the idea by Chandler that the murderer could as easily be a woman as a man. McKellen entered Newkirk's office, spurring Newkirk into action. Newkirk rose from his couch and declared that they would go into the woods where the masked people live, at night, to ask one or two of them why somebody would be attacking them. Newkirk immediately set off, dragging his friends along. Gellert Woods Newkirk led Chandler, McKellen and Veronica on a wild goose chase through nearly every set of woods in the state with the exception of the ones closest to where they started. At some point before they reached Gellert Woods Newkirk had a lapse of memory and completely forgot that they had left Veronica in one of the woods they had explored. He appeared to have completely forgotten about her until reminded by McKellen. He brushed it off, attempting to save face as "without loss" Newkirk led the trio into the woods where he hoped to find the masked people village After trekking long into the night, Newkirk ventured off in a different direction from Chandler and McKellen. They were attacked by the murderer and McKellen was dragged off into the woods. Chandler found Newkirk and told him that a masked person had taken McKellen. Newkirk was surprised to learn that the murderer is a masked person as well, comparing this to a broccoli killing another broccoli. After some nonsensical statements by Chandler, Newkirk declared that it all made sense to him now and that they needed to find McKellen. He promptly took off in the opposite direction from which McKellen had been taken as Chandler ran in the correct one. The pair returned to where they had started and ran off in yet another completely different direction. The Murderer's Lair Newkirk and Chandler sprinted through the forest, eventually catching up with the murderer just as he dragged McKellen behind a shed. Newkirk and Chandler followed behind, breaking into the shed. Unbeknownst to them, the murderer had taken McKellen to a different building in the same woods and had led Newkirk and Chandler into a trap. Newkirk and Chandler busted into the shed and found the murderer's masks and a slew of weapons. Newkirk followed a trail of blood towards a freezer, in which was a dead body. Startled, Newkirk dropped his flashlight into the freezer, plunging them into temporary darkness. After retrieving the flashlight, Newkirk was distracted by a cat, which allowed the murderer to sneak up behind them and pick up a machete. Newkirk noticed him just in time to save his own life but was quickly beaten down and knocked unconscious by the murderer. Rescuing Chandler Newkirk awoke in the murderer's lair and immediately noticed Chandler was gone. He searched the shed for a weapon before settling on a bolt action rifle he found and took off into the forest. Newkirk followed the trailer arriving just in time to shoot the murderer and rescue Chandler, Arthur Fleedman, Garrett Loaders and Norman Oswell from the murderer. Newkirk leads them out of the shed and into the forest again. When Norman Oswell fell behind, Newkirk urged the others to simply abandon him and keep going, which proved to be good advice as he was killed seconds later. The others were picked off one by one until only Newkirk and Chandler remained alive.